You know it is serious when I start quoting Shakespeare. Following on from my May update, you’ll know the new man and I went away together. For 10 days, for our first holiday as a couple. And it went well, really well. So what happened next? Is it true love?
Recap on attempts at resurrecting my disastrous love life
So, after being single for a good few years with no sign of suitable men flocking to me, I decided to take action this year. And that I did. Firstly, I got my head in the right place. Then I worked out what I was *really* looking for in a future companion.
And the next steps were to hit up online dating and starting chatting to and dating men. And so I dated, and after the requisite number of terrible messages and bad dates, I found a good catch. You can read more in my dating as a feminist post.
Good things about the new man
So this is the part where I extoll his virtues, in particular how well matched we seem to be.
- He loves to travel, even more than I do.
- I am jealous of all the cool places he has been.
- Additionally, we travel the same way.
- And get on perfectly for a full 10 days with the odd mishap thrown in.
- He is a rational and useful guy to have around.
- While not being as keen a runner as me (do normal people not do 2 marathons a year?) he is prepared to go for a run or two.
- Moreover, he doesn’t mind getting up early on a Saturday for ParkRun.
- He loves frugal activities such as picnics and walks.
- Is vegetarian and appreciates my cooking.
- An atheist who loves visiting religious sites.
- Childfree and not interested in kids.
- Loves exploring and finds the beauty in interesting places.
- Politically he’s a remainer, left wing and green.
- And most importantly of all – he’s a feminist. And believes the patriarchy exists.
Things I can live with
That’s not to say he is perfect, far from it. Here are some of my grievances.
- Cricket – yep, I have learned he really likes cricket. And you’ve guessed it, as someone born north of the border, I hardly know what cricket is. Apart from, you know, it goes on and on for a long time. And they seem to stop for tea? And rain? You can get the picture I’m sure. So recently with the world cup going on, he doesn’t mind when I come out with things like:
When I have learned about all the interesting things in the world, I might let you teach me about cricket
- I have also caught him secretly watching football. My disdain for cricket is nothing compared to my dislike of men’s football.
- He’s not in perfect physical shape (are any of us?) – yet knows this and plans to do something about it.
- Can easily be convinced by colleagues, friends and acquaintances to have yet another beer or two.
- He does not like mushrooms. This one is kinda painful, as I like to put mushrooms in everything and treat them as a superfood.
A bump in the path of true love
So, as you can tell from the relative seriousness and size of the lists above, there is definitely something there. All was going swimmingly I thought until *it* was casually brought up in conversation.
He has an ill parent that he needs to go back home to look after temporarily. And home is miles away – a 24-hour flight to the other side of the planet. He plans to take a sabbatical from work and go to do his filial duties.
What can I say? Obviously, he has to go, especially as he feels the parent might not last too long. And he feels bad about living on the other side of the world in case anything happens back home. And I 100% believe this is the right thing to do, no question.
Temporary long distance
So, we have ended up in a temporary very long distance relationship. Which is you know, not exactly what I was looking for. And it’s something I have never experienced before and don’t quite know what to do. It’s not the kind of distance you can cover in a weekend – just so far away, inconvenient and expensive to get there. Not to mention a hefty time difference.
At the moment it’s a waiting and seeing game. Will the parent get better quickly so he can come home? Or will it be a long and drawn out process? Being someone that plans her life down to the day, this ambiguity is not something I can easily deal with.
Yet it seems to me he is worth waiting for. And it’s the right thing to do. So I am attempting to take a stoic approach, and only ruminate on what I can control. Which to be fair is not much in this situation. My inner control freak and planner does obviously not like the fact I can’t organise my way to true love and have to wait.
Path to true love?
So unlike my usual persona, I know I just need to wait. But what I know and what I do are not always the same. Taking Shakespeare’s advice does seem prudent in this case and accepting this slight hiccup in the plan. Although as an aside, I don’t think his personal credentials in this arena are great from the female perspective, but he could write a damn good love story. And continually demonstrates a phenomenal understanding of people and relationships.
So, now I get philosophical as I know he could he be the one. I don’t think I’ve ever dated a man that was so well suited to me. And it’s not something I want to pass up due to a let’s be honest, a small amount of inconvenience and discomfort in the scheme of life. For me, the path is definitely difficult but I want to give it a chance, and the opportunity to flourish.
Over to you
- What are your thoughts?
- Have you been in a long distance relationship?
- Any words of wisdom?